Yesterday, my 8 year old daughter called me in the office, just to tell me that she had received her Maths Test Paper. Then, she said that she had something to tell me that would make me angry. I asked her what it was and she said she did not do too well for her maths. So I asked her whether I was supposed to be angry. She said that her friends told her that their parents always get angry when they did not do well so she thought that I would be angry too.
I said, "Hmmm, let me think about it. Maybe I will be angry when I reach home." I just could not understand why I should be angry. To me, this is JUST a test...and to compare it with the many, many LIFE tests that she will be facing in future....I'd say this is just peanuts. So when I reached home, she looked at me with such innocence that even if I was angry, I would just melt. The first thing she did was to show me her paper and she did not get a big EGG, neither did she fail. But she kept on saying that she was afraid that I'd scold her. She said, once again that all her friends were scolded by their parents for not doing well. I thought my daughter was just making herself worry out of nothing.
Just because other parents have certain expectations of their children, she thought I did too. So after dinner, we had a talk. I knew she put it a lot of effort for the test and the mistakes that she made were out of sheer carelessness. She knew that. How could I scold her for something that is done, that she cannot undo. And I feel sad for her friends, who maybe were trembling inside when they showed their parents the papers (maybe, I am exaggerating here) or maybe they decided to throw away the test papers or even lie just to escape the reprimands.
I grew up in a generation where it was believed that being a high achievers = TOP in class = No 1 position will eventually lead to a successful life. Maybe, such mindset is here to stay. But having gone through that, I realised that being top in class does not mean being top in life. What matters most is not the marks that our children bring, but the attitude and the hunger for knowledge and the most important of all, the character building process of learning, such as patience, endurance, inquiring mind, listening.
I don't believe in enrichment classes. I don't believe in sending my children to speech & drama and what-have-yous classes. If I can teach the subjects, I will teach my children myself. I don't expect my children to be TOP in class but alhamdullilah, they have self motivation, even at such young age. But, when I talk to most of my peers, I seem to be the odd one out. I just don't fit in the bill of the typical Singaporean parent.
There is a saying that goes, If you can't beat them, join them. I know of parents who send their children to all sorts of classes on weekends, just so the children could get ahead of the race. I know of parents who drill their children upside down, inside out so they could score in their exams. I find it sad. The product are just children who maybe just concerned of getting top grades, without a care in the world, without ethics, without morals. That's why I think, cheating, plagiarism is rampant from primary to universities.
It is easy for us, parents to fall into such traps. Sometimes, I do too. We always justify by saying that we did it for their own good. We want them to be good successful people. But sometimes, we are expecting them to live our dreams, our wish, our wants. My daughter always ask me this question, "What do you want me to be when I grow up." I always tell her that she can be anything she want to be but all I want her to be is a good Muslim, anak yang solehah, anak syurga. And as a mother, that is the only thing that I always pray she'd be. Insya'allah.
